"Act as if you were."

they say it's in my head now
that something's got me down
it must be lack of sleep I guess
but I believe it's something else
--The Myriad, "Braver than the Rest"

There's the big directive from yesterday. Act as if I were. Changed action leads to changed thinking, and changed thinking in the long run will result in a fuller, more satisfactory--even happier?--life. Walk tall. Quit shrinking away. Speak up.

I've never believed it, no matter who told me. The accolades in school: smoke. Reassurances from parents and authority figures: insubstantial. Advanced degrees: a drop in a mile-wide bucket. Spouse, children, loyal friends: poof. Sermons and lessons: hahahahaha!

Meanwhile, every setback confirms the thesis. And setbacks are never in short supply, really.

This may have been the single most important facet of my personality for almost all of my 35 years.

So I must now learn to act as if I were. Exchange armor for a benign disguise, and then, perhaps one day: I'll know I am.