I live a life surrounded by and made all up of words. It's not just a matter of my job, though certainly that's part of what's made it happen. As fate would have it, I'm just made that way.
The rub is, that most of the people I know are not that way--for them, words aren't real in the sense that they can do work or be the main thing. As a result, my efforts to make something happen by using words tend to fall far short. As a result, sometimes I just don't offer what others need.
Often, actually.
12.19.2009
12.18.2009
For the Time Being
III.
Chorus
Alone, alone, about a dreadful wood
Of conscious evil runs a lost mankind,
Dreading to find its Father lest it find
The Goodness it has dreaded is not good:
Alone, alone, about our dreadful wood.
Where is that Law for which we broke our own,
Where now that Justice for which Flesh resigned
Her hereditary right to passion, Mind
His will to absolute power? Gone. Gone.
Where is that Law for which we broke our own?
The Pilgrim Way has led to the Abyss.
Was it to meet such grinning evidence
We left our richly odoured ignorance?
Was the triumphant answer to be this?
The Pilgrim Way has led to the Abyss.
We who must die demand a miracle.
How could the Eternal do a temporal act,
The Infinite become a finite fact?
Nothing can save us that is possible:
We who must die demand a miracle.
(Auden, 1944)
Last Day
Grades submitted, gradebook shoved in the drawer where it resides in the off-season. I've turned off the music. I know some will be surprised--and not in a good way--at what they earned this term, so I will have to field some emails. The desk is still littered with stacks & stacks of paper; some of it needs to be shredded, some filed, and some--well, probably just pitched. Recycled. You know what I mean. Big Brother woke up this morning at 4:00--he'd had a nightmare probably brought on by fever. Something about spooky hands in his closet--that's the most we could get out of him. Turns out he has a sinus infection, so we'll be watching that for the next couple of days. People have been asking if everyone's well at home, and I've been saying, "for now, yes." And this is why. One of my colleagues got a hand-knitted toboggan from a student he's been working with. How awesome is that? I got a couple of cards, and was glad to get them.
Well, it's a bittersweet time of year.
12.17.2009
Non-compliance update
I am no longer "NON-COMPLIANT."
Which means I am now "COMPLIANT."
unless one counts what's in my head. But we're not worried about that, are we?
No, we're not.
Dilbert. The Office. Office Space.
Below, part of an email I received yesterday evening (with names, specifics, etc. removed):
this is a busy time, but this is a must do—we are under a federal mandate. As I explained in the last department meeting (and was discussed in the department minutes) all employees must take the online ADA training and exam. You have been enrolled in a blackboard course to take it (an email came out from Dr. _____ around the first of the month with the instructions).
Go to the portal and from there to Blackboard. On the right should be a list of classes you are teaching with blackboard and under that courses you are enrolled in; this course is there. It will take 10-15 minutes.
The administration is taking this very seriously. This morning VCAA ____ said that not doing this will result in termination of non-tenured faculty and will have a negative impact on future merit, tenure, and promotion decisions. Because it is a legal issue to not do it is considered non-compliance with your contract. I hate to say it but E/MFL had the longest list of non-compliance.
The official deadline is Friday. If you absolutely swamped, probably no one will say anything as long as it done before the first of the year. But you need to get it done.
When I read this last night I blew up in a cloud of cursing and throwing things. Nothing makes me more irritated than make-work. Nothing makes me more irritated than online make-work. And for the cherry, we're supposedly being called on the carpet for "non-compliance" even before the due date. How can one be in non-compliance when the standard for compliance hasn't even come into play yet?
It's a small thing, I know. But it's that time of year. I'm doing my duty today, in case you're wondering.
12.15.2009
Good career news
This means that my Herbert article is almost published . . . and that I have something "academic" to show for the five years I've been here. Is it enough? Not really. But it's good. Good good good.
12.14.2009
12.13.2009
A Nocturnal upon St. Lucy's Day
'Tis the year's midnight, and it is the day's,
Lucy's, who scarce seven hours herself unmasks;
The sun is spent, and now his flasks
Send forth light squibs, no constant rays;
The world's whole sap is sunk;
The general balm th' hydroptic earth hath drunk,
Whither, as to the bed's feet, life is shrunk,
Dead and interr'd; yet all these seem to laugh,
Compar'd with me, who am their epitaph.
Study me then, you who shall lovers be
At the next world, that is, at the next spring;
For I am every dead thing,
In whom Love wrought new alchemy.
For his art did express
A quintessence even from nothingness,
From dull privations, and lean emptiness;
He ruin'd me, and I am re-begot
Of absence, darkness, death: things which are not.
All others, from all things, draw all that's good,
Life, soul, form, spirit, whence they being have;
I, by Love's limbec, am the grave
Of all that's nothing. Oft a flood
Have we two wept, and so
Drown'd the whole world, us two; oft did we grow
To be two chaoses, when we did show
Care to aught else; and often absences
Withdrew our souls, and made us carcasses.
But I am by her death (which word wrongs her)
Of the first nothing the elixir grown;
Were I a man, that I were one
I needs must know; I should prefer,
If I were any beast,
Some ends, some means; yea plants, yea stones detest,
And love; all, all some properties invest;
If I an ordinary nothing were,
As shadow, a light and body must be here.
But I am none; nor will my sun renew.
You lovers, for whose sake the lesser sun
At this time to the Goat is run
To fetch new lust, and give it you,
Enjoy your summer all;
Since she enjoys her long night's festival,
Let me prepare towards her, and let me call
This hour her vigil, and her eve, since this
Both the year's, and the day's deep midnight is.
(Donne)
12.12.2009
Still Riding
I used to do these weekend updates on a pretty regular basis. I don't remember why I stopped doing them.
Oh. Yes I do. I think it dates back to the only blog post I ever took down after posting.
**
In Nashville for a wedding this weekend. . . the bride was a "Junior Bridesmaid" when we got married back in '96. It doesn't seem possible that she was ever that little . . . she has grown into a lovely young woman. In other news, I'm now at the age where I'm using "young woman" to describe a twentysomething.
**
Please, oh please, someone help my friends & associates remember the difference between "lose" and "loose." My English Major is showing, but honestly, it drives me nuts.
**
I bet I caused some pause this week when I was teaching Johnson's Rasselas. There's a passage in the story where Rasselas and his sister are discussing the pleasures and perils of marriage and family life. I blurted out, "isn't our need to 'pair off' kinda absurd? Isn't it absurd to tie your happiness to the whims of another person??" In response, I got some weird looks. I tried to explain, as I continued to expound on Johnson's point that marriage is no sure road to perfect happiness, that to say it's absurd is not to say that it's wrong--just that it ought to make us laugh at ourselves at least a little. "Because," I said, "if we don't laugh at our own folly, we'll cry!" Well. That got them to pay attention at least.
**
The only other comment I'll make about teaching this past week: Paradise Lost is a black hole, a vortex of such gravitational force that nothing can escape its orbit.
**
Finally marked The Queen Elizabeth with the proper school insignia. Now there's no mistaking our cruise ship for any of the others in our little town.
**
My mind is restless. Not sure why that is, but it manifests in some interesting ways. First, I can very easily get caught up in playing game after game of Wii Table Tennis (yeah, you heard me right). Second, I'm afflicted with point-click-and-purchase-itis (a good time of year for it, but still). Third, I'm anxious to finish the books I'm reading so I can get to other books. Fourth, I'm anxiously planning for the next term's classes before I'm even finished with the classes from THIS term. Fifth, my dreams have gotten most vivid, and have featured the same location for over a week now. If only I could remember the details.
**
I brought the bike indoors, pulled out the trainer, and got in the saddle a couple of times this week. So yes, I am still riding. Both metaphorically and literally.
**
Just read this passage, and I think the student did a good job with (most of) it:
A person must comprehend that God has a plan that is larger than he is, and that this plan can only be defined as Providence; with this new term comes the weight of all of the world's joy and sorrow.No surprise, I don't think, that this is written by an older ('non-traditional' is the term I think we use) student. One has to live for a little while before one can really talk about even a fraction of the weight of the world's joy and sorrow.
(Poor use of parenthetical statements, I know.)
**
I am concerned that I come across like a complainer. That isn't intentional: I have learned that to have a "happy" life (in the way we usually mean it) isn't necessarily the same as having a "good" life. And that to be overly focused on the former is (for me) a mistake.
(More parenthetical statements. The sign of a distracted, restless mind, perhaps?)
**
The end of the term is bittersweet. There's probably a money quote about that somewhere in Rasselas.
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