I dithered and dithered today over making a phone call. I was irritated at having to make it, but I was even more irritated at myself for putting it off and generally making a big deal out of a simple business transaction (in this case, reserving a room at a conference hotel in Sarasota FL). What is it that bothers me so much? Why do I have a hard time even calling my very best friends, people whose absence in my life I keenly feel almost every day?
Self-indulgent, this--but I do wonder what motivates a behavior that I should have grown out of by now. I still try to avoid making even the most basic of phone calls. In the case of my friends, I have an inkling that it's related to wanting to avoid the pain of conversations that have to be as awkwardly constrained as long distance phone calls usually are. As for calling for pizza, your guess is as good as mine.
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Gentle Sir Philip Sidney, thou knew'st what belong'd to a scholler; thou knew'st what pains, what toil, what travail conduct to perfection.
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- Piers
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- "I am grown at length to see into the vanity of the world more than ever I did, and now I condemn myself for nothing so much as playing the dolt in print . . . . There is nothing that if a man list he may not wrest or pervert. I cannot forbid any to think villainously, Sed caveat emptor, let the interpreter beware; for none ever heard me make allegories of an idle text."
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4 comments:
Did Mom and Dad somehow inadvertently raise us this way? I'm exactly the same
could be, dave. . . though my guess is that we both got the same 'shy' gene.
I note, however, that you don't mind calling KS.
Although I don't much like talking on the phone, these days I find myself preferring it over email. Perhaps the reluctance to call has something about having to engage with others -- even on a minimal level -- such as when making room reservations, while mediums like email allow for a certain comfortable distance?
I puzzle over this too, because despite hating email, it doesn't prompt me to call you and W or P&TM more -- even though there's so much to say. I've justified it as even the phone feeling hopelessly inadequate. But I'm starting to suspect a certain self-absorption and selfishness is involved -- even plain old laziness -- masquerading as pain from the recent changes in our relationships.
Touche, Hambone. I guess I know that's the case. What I find strange is that I can't just 'reason' myself out of that reluctance, seeing as it's done more or less to protect myself.
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