In what other football column could you read something like the following?
In economic news, facing a budget crunch, the Bronx Zoo will lay off dozens of animals, including bats, caimans, porcupines, lemurs, night monkeys, Arabian oryx and two types of antelope. I am not making this up! How is a caiman supposed to find another zoo to work at in this economy? And the oryx, are they in the country legally or should they be deported to Arabia? This got me to thinking: I bet times are tough for movie monsters, too. What if Godzilla gets laid off? He'll be in a foul mood and take out his frustrations on Tokyo. If the "Cloverfield" sequel gets canceled for cost-cutting reasons, that monster could end up as some kind of juvenile delinquent, staying out all hours, associating with the wrong kinds of creatures. King Kong, Mothra, the Blob -- none of them has the right résumé for globalization, either. Imagine a couple of unemployed movie monsters bumping into each other in a studio lot:
PREDATOR: Wassup 'Zilla? Got a gig?
GODZILLA: I would rather not talk about it.
PREDATOR: Any residuals checks come in lately?
GODZILLA: I said, I don't want to talk about it! (Smashes skyscraper.)
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