Since I can't just say that I've got a chili pepper on Ratemyprofessor.

I hate this kind of writing...actions should speak for themselves, right?  Anyway, here's a sample of what's going in the memo:

My teaching record shows that I am a popular instructor at UTM.  My enrollments are consistently high, even in upper-level courses.  Students almost to a person remark that I am an "enthusiastic" teacher who excels at presenting complicated material in helpful, engaging ways. . . this is not to say that they find my courses particularly easy; I require heavy amounts of reading and writing, which many students also note in their evaluations. 

The guide asks for a "concise" memo; I've got five handwritten pages.  Plus diagrams of battery-swallowing, of course.  (look here if you don't understand that reference)