Taking Stock: One month to go

Time for a little bit of self-examination.

The last couple of weeks have been extraordinarily hard. Little Red has been his most difficult self, which has sent shockwaves through the rest of the house. I find that my patience is ground paper-thin, and that means that I bark at the kids far more frequently than I'd like.

At the same time, I'm more aware than ever of the influence I have . . . and while it's wonderful, it's also terrifying. The Big Brother appears to be leaning on me more heavily this summer than ever before. If only he knew how tightly he grips my heart. Of course, he can't know that--nor should he. Part of being a child, one of its chief blessings, is not knowing.

The bike is hanging in the garage, unused these past two weeks. That grates on my nerves, big-time. But honestly, it's been all I can do to roll out of bed and deal with the children in the mornings, and this week I've been staggering all over the place, doing well to stay on my feet. So despite my resolutions and my attempts to do some real work on my fitness level this summer, I've met with pretty spotty success. I did best during the first couple of weeks of July. I know that self-recrimination doesn't really help in this situation, but I'm used to the ol' drill sergeant routine with myself. (Hint: It's not always the most effective--if it were, I'd never have had the little mood issue I've had from time to time.)

I simply must find a way to get to work on the academic projects I'm committed to, but I confess to being stuck. I seem to have little time to devote to that kind of work anyway, and when I do try, I find myself spinning my wheels. I'm open to accepting any & all forms of advice here, honestly. (Please?? someone's got to have an idea or two--)

Starting Monday, it's going to have to be approaching a regular work schedule, which will be an adjustment for all of us. I know enough about myself to recognize that I do better when I have a schedule to keep. I've been thinking of how to change my work habits, too--I want to be more efficient. Less Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook will probably help.

I wish I were smarter. Either that, or less apt to be dissatisfied with myself. (oh, stop laughing.)