So, the story goes something like this: there's a child in The Kindergartner's class who is developmentally behind--not disabled, just coming from a rough background, late bloomer, etc., etc. Yesterday, The Kindergartner's "card" was "pulled" from green to yellow (i.e., a warning) because he was making fun of his less-advanced classmate. When I got home, The Spouse showed me the note from the teacher, and told me to chat with The Kindergartner about what had happened. I did, and his response was that he didn't want to talk about it because as he put it, "you'll be disappointed in me." His demeanor was utterly stoic as he said this, too. Effective, and I didn't push him on it. Apparently, his mother had made it pretty clear just what she thought of that kind of behavior. We're keeping an eye on it, and lord help him if he does it again.
It's a fascinating episode for me because of the balance I have to ride between appropriate praise and appropriate scolding. It's tempting to think one's child incapable of cruelty, though of course children are frequently cruel by nature.
As with others I love, I try to operate with the same tension that my master Ben Jonson describes:
Though I confess (as every muse hath erred,
And mine not least) I have too oft preferred
Men past their terms, and praised some names too much,
But 'twas with purpose to have made them such.
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