Big Week

big meetings,
big adjustments,
big lecture,
big job,
big decisions.

tighten that chin strap.

it demands much.

"And to the extent that it can train viewers to laugh at characters' unending put-downs of one another, to view ridicule as both the mode of social intercourse and the ultimate art-form, television can reinforce its own queer ontology of appearance:  the most frightening prospect, for the well-conditioned viewer, becomes leaving oneself open to others' ridicule by betraying passe expressions of value, emotion, or vulnerability.  Other people become judges; the crime is naivete.  The well-trained viewer becomes even more allergic to people.  Lonelier.  Joe B's exhaustive TV-training in how to worry about how he might come across, seem to watching eyes, makes genuine human encounters even scarier.  But televisual irony has the solution:  further viewing begins to seem almost like required research, lessons in the blank, bored, too-wise expression that Joe must learn how to wear for tomorrow's excruciating ride on the brightly lit subway, where crowds of blank, bored-looking people have little to look at but each other."

--DFW, "E Unibus Pluram:  Television and U. S. Fiction"

The long fall back to earth is the hardest part.

What a week.  As you can tell if you've been reading, it's been "challenging."  Aggregate sleep loss and some truly aggravating circumstances can make for a wee bit of grouchiness.  Thank goodness for the Mother-in-law, who carried an immense load (often of laundry) for us. 

"in short measures, life may perfect bee."

“Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity.”
--W. H. Auden

Io non so ben ridir com'i' v'intrai

O light and honor of all other poets, may my

long study and the intense love that made me

search your volume serve me now.

You are my master and my author, you

the only one from whom my writing drew the

noble style for which I have been honored.

You see the beast that made me turn aside;

help me, o famous sage, to stand against her, for

she has made my blood and pulses shudder.

It is another path that you must take,

he answered when he saw my tearfulness,

if you would leave this savage wilderness;

the beast that is the cause of your outcry

allows no man to pass along her track, but

blocks him even to the point of death--

"The hope on picking up a book: that it will tell us what we know but haven't had time to think."

I've been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so:

Seneca
Plato
Augustine
DFW
Bellamy
More
Machiavelli
Sidney
Spenser
Auden
Frost
Shakespeare
Pascal
de Botton
Donne
Petrarch
Dante

no dice.

"No leader should ever suppose he can invariably take the safe course, since all choices involve risks.  In the nature of things, you can never try to escape one danger without encountering another; but prudence consists in knowing how to recognize the nature of the different dangers and in accepting the least bad as good."
--The Prince, Chapter 21

rift

Last night, in the moments my thoughts were adrift
And coasting a terrace, approaching a rift
Through which I could spy several glimpses beneath
Of the darkness the light from above could not reach
I spied wings of reason, herself taking flight
And upon yonder precipice saw her alight
And glared back at me one last look of dismay
As if she were the last one she thought I'd betray

**

It was about a year ago, maybe a little more, that I decided to try some new ways of thinking, hoping that I could thereby recover something I felt like I'd lost. 

I tried, honestly I did.  I consciously adopted more constructive mental habits, started looking people in the eye when I spoke to them, trying to will some things into place, to shore some fragments against my ruins.

There is within me, though, a rift that apparently can't be bridged, and the effort of trying has left me more weary than ever before.  It might be a comfort to remember that there are many people who've done great things not just in spite of, but because of, their rifts . . . but that is not my fate.  Time to just deal with what I am rather than what I might want to be.

"Just Be Yourself."

"Frank and natural sincerity is a noble quality, though sometimes harmful to the practitioner.  Dissimulation, on the other hand, is useful and often necessary because men are corrupt, yet it is hateful and ugly, so I know not which to prefer.  I suppose a man might use one procedure as a matter of course without wholly abandoning the other.  That is, in his ordinary and common course of life, he might follow the path of sincerity in order to acquire the reputation of an honest man, and yet, on certain important and unusual occasions, resort to dissimulation.  His deception will be the more useful and will work better because his general good reputation makes him more easily trusted."

(Guicciardini, Ricordi 1.45)

aaah, Renaissance Italians.

Every day.

phew.

What a week.  On Tuesday morning, after a Monday off of school due to snow, little Thomas Wesley decided that he'd poke a hole in his swimming pool . . . and thus, we found ourselves at the maternity ward at 3:30.  The boy was delivered by 6:00 that morning.  Everyone's now home; mom is recovering from surgery, resting and moving slowly, TWH is napping on the floor as we speak, being watched over by Simon, and the other two boys are fast asleep.  All the grandparents are pitching in.

**
Meanwhile, life goes on, right?  Students at school have their own set of immediate concerns.  Several have told me about their concerns about graduate school.  It's just brutal; I feel their pain.  Another concern:  how do we figure out how to manage when we're missing one out of every four days of class?  The snow is fun, but it's been a challenge figuring out how to make it all fit together. 

**
Today I participated in interviews for the honors program at my institution.  What follows is a set of observations that I jotted down as we were having our conversations:

1. Holding our institution's feet to the fire on graduation rates is a fine policy idea at the first glance, and I do recognize that accountability is crucial, but it puts us in a bind:  do we sacrifice rigor for rates?  Anyone who says that it's a false dichotomy is either disingenuous or a fool.
2. The lottery system, while certainly a positive idea from the "access" standpoint--i.e., providing "access" to college for many (or most) of HS graduates--is a crock.  Higher "access" doesn't lead to better education.  
3. Some students referred to "types of intelligences" during the conversation today.  I had to bite my lip to keep from blurting out that recent research shows that intelligence is intelligence, and generally proves to be pretty broad-spectrum--i.e., a smart person is more likely to be better at picking up just about anything, savants and prodigies excepted.
4. Reminded of just how apt a young person is to express him- or herself in cliches and catchphrases.
5. Whenever discussions of censorship come up, I want to blurt out something about Milton's Areopagitica.  I generally don't, so as not to come across like a blustering asshole.
6. It is fun, at least in the abstract, to watch my colleagues from various departments and see how they think, express themselves . . . and how they justify their political and intellectual biases.
7. You want to watch a young person get tied in knots?  Ask about evolution & creationism.
8. It irritates me when people use "strive" as a noun, i.e., "the strive for perfection."  *grinds teeth*  "strive" is a verb.  Strife, struggle, agon, battle: these are perfectly serviceable nouns.
9. One thing we can always count on:  the young women will mostly look very put together; the young men will almost all look pitiful.  I know I did at that age;  it's amazing that any boy between the ages of 14 and 25 ever gets a second look from a member of the opposite sex, to say nothing of a date.

**
Little Red is so very sweet when it comes to his "beebee."  He wants to hold him & kiss him . . . we have to remind him to be gentle.

My Three Sons

 

The Big Brother

 

 Little Red

 

Mr. "Poke a hole in my swimming pool and come a whole two days early."

O thank the Lord.

This is better than anything I could say at this point

from xkcd.com

In the bleak midwinter

Well, this past week was, er, different.  I was all torqued up to do the big lecture on the 9th, and then a snowstorm blew in--the second in as many weeks--so the lecture was cancelled and rescheduled for the 2nd of March.  That means I've got another week or so before I have to get torqued up again!  ha! ha! 

**
We learned, during the recent snowstorms, that preschoolers don't have a whole lot of stamina when it comes to being cold, especially when it comes to their hands being cold.  We also learned that we need to get them proper gloves...those knit jobs don't really do the trick.

**
I'm grading my first set of papers for the term, which is always an interesting experience.  Some problems are easy to point out and fix; other issues are more systemic and will take a lot more effort to address.  I know there are people who are quite effective at this; I'm always looking to do it a bit better--to be rigorous but encouraging at the same time.  Like so much else, it's a balancing act that I may have perfected by the time I retire.

**
The Spouse is hanging on . . . just a few more days until TWH is expelled, and we get to see what he looks like.  She gets super-tired these days, and probably could use an extra pair of hands 24/7, but we're managing.  This would be the most demanding semester of my short career.  I am sort of curious to know how it will go this coming weekend.  It'll come soon enough.

**
We need to think of a suitable nickname for TWH.  Maybe something will come to us when we see him. 

**
I haven't been complaining about it, but I am concerned about my right elbow--the one I banged on the pavement when I slipped on the ice a couple of weeks ago.  I'm especially concerned that it's going to make it hard for me to ride my bike or do other exercises that I need to do.  Especially the bike.  I could give up the other stuff, but not that.  I may have to bow to necessity and go to the doctor this week.  Like I have time for that.

**
Every once in a while, we get lucky and get to overhear one of the children singing to himself.  There's something extraordinarily sweet about hearing that . . . a singing child is a happy child.

**
It's Olympic time.  Time for inspirational stories and dramatic finishes.  Don't care. 

"This isn't fantasyland."

 
I'm not one to believe in magic
Though my memory has a second-sight
I'm not one to go pointing my finger
When I radiate more heat than light

Don't ask me
I'm just improvising
My illusion of careless flight
Can't you see
My temperature's rising
I radiate more heat than light
(peart)

The picture is of Taal Volcano, situated in the middle of Taal Lake, seen from Tagaytay (I guess).  I remember many many wonderful moments up there. . . it was always one of my favorite places to visit.  One of my last nights in the Philippines, I looked up at the stars while standing on a terrace overlooking the lake, and I wondered what life would hold for me.  Eighteen years later (it doesn't seem possible, but it has actually been that long), I'm in a place I could never have imagined.

...and that's not a good thing or a bad thing; it just is.

High-wire

Those of you who have had affable, approachable, rigorous teachers--at any level--say a prayer of thanks.  Some days, it's excruciatingly hard to manage all that goes on in a classroom.  Even a classroom full of (supposed) adults.  There are days that, had they happened eight years ago, would have put me in a major skid.  Thankfully, experience takes some of the edge off.  Having a good reputation doesn't hurt.

For we introverts, sometimes it's exhausting.  Too many shoals to navigate.

Il Cortegiano

So in my 16th Century literature class, we're reading Castiglione.  I love the book, but for many students the first read-through can be pretty off-putting (I seem to remember it being that way in Cornerstone Cultural Legacies class at good ol' SU).  Reactions have been, to put it mildly, mixed.

But I did read this gem tonight:

Sure, fencing isn't going to get you a job or a girlfriend nowadays, but not appearing to be a pretentious snob just might.

ah, sprezzatura.

Much Ado About Nothing

I put in a lot of time over the weekend, preparing, revising, sharpening my presentation.
I know I was putting too much stock in it, but I was determined to do a good job.
Come Monday afternoon?  The Second Snopocalypse of 2010 strikes . . . 
So of course the university is closed today.
(s)no(w) presentation.
We will apparently try to reschedule, but who knows?
Getting a firm date is hard enough the first time, never mind a replacement date.

Okay, now THIS is funny.

Preparing

egad!  On Superbowl Sunday??

ja wohl.

Stephano Guazzo, The Civil Conversation

brief excerpts . . .

And in very deede he that will keepe his thoughts secret, let him not unfolde them to any other, but let him be his owne secretary.

**
Not without reason, a certain Flatterer (being advised to speake the truth) answered in deed, A man ought to speake the trueth to him that will heare it:  but who is hee?

**
But a scholler is well worthy to be laughed at, and reprooved, who applying him selfe altogether to studie, doeth not frame his learning to the common life, but sheweth him selfe altogether ignorant of the affaires of this world.

Study Day

Got lots of writing to do.  Fortunately, the lighting in my office and in my library cell is considerably brighter.  And I'm not wearing a tie or coat. 

AKACHAN!!

What a great nickname for when he gets too old to be called "Little Red"!

(isn't that just pitiful?)

"Therefore we may call that art true art which does not seem to be art."

 

You'll never see me sweat.

"Nothing is irreversible"

Pardon me as I indulge for a minute--Lost is the only tv program I really care about.  And the two pictured above, along with Richard (what will become of him??), are my favorite characters. 
(more below the break, including spoilers if you haven't seen the 2-hour premiere)

Yes, we're thawing out.

It is a strange experience to be in a high-level university faculty senate meeting and realize that I'm the only non-tenured faculty member in the room.

It is a nice experience to give one's children their baths in the newly renovated hall bathroom.  For the first time since moving into this house, the master bathroom is truly the master bathroom.  Small victory, I know.

I'm craving a (restaurant-style) cheeseburger.

LOST FTW.  Could Terry O'Quinn look any more sinister??  The two hours just flew by.

snowjinks! snowjinks! (UPDATED)

sledding.  Picture 1:  success!  Picture 2:  snow faceplant!  Picture 3:  I give up.

I ain't as good as I once was, but I was good once (and only once) as I ever was.

/TobyKeith

UPDATE:
Also, more pictures here.