In which Piers begins to fear his students

I'm reading 'personal essays' as the first assignment for the year. So far, I've read stories about:

• A student who got drunk on the bus ride to school one day--and I mean falling-down drunk. Needless to say she got in considerable trouble, including a stint in a boot camp style "Alternative Learning Center."
• A student who decided to "borrow" his uncle's brand new Jeep Cherokee from the church parking lot to go off-roading--during the church service. Naturally, he bogged it down, and had to walk back to the church to confess his adventure. Priceless line: "The inside of the Jeep was of all luxury you would expect from a quality Chrysler vehicle."

Next, I expect to see something about shoplifting, or drug running, or a counterfeiting ring.