"So here I am, . . .

  . . . in the middle way, having had twenty years--
Twenty years largely wasted, the years of l'entre deux guerres--
Trying to learn to use words, and every attempt
Is a wholly new start, and a different kind of failure
Because one has only learnt to get the better of words
For the thing one no longer has to say, or the way in which
One is no longer disposed to say it. And so each venture
Is a new beginning, a raid on the inarticulate
With shabby equipment always deteriorating
In the general mess of imprecision of feeling,
Undisciplined squads of emotion. And what there is to conquer
By strength and submission, has already been discovered
Once or twice, or several times, by men whom one cannot hope
To emulate--but there is no competition--
There is only the fight to recover what has been lost
And found and lost again and again: and now, under conditions
That seem unpropitious. But perhaps neither gain nor loss.
For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.

(T. S. Eliot, "East Coker," part V)

Say Goodbye to Neverland

It is painful, so painful, even if it's nothing more than that this has run its course.

"Fie, fie, faint hearted knight!"

Today I taught from The Faerie Queene, book 1, Canto 9. In this episode, Redcross Knight has to confront an evil being named Despair. In confronting Despair, Redcross Knight is made to review all his old failures and missteps, and is reminded about things like Justice, and the way cause leads to effect. Everything Despair says is at least nominally true, and intended to convince Redcross Knight that there is no hope.

I point out to the students that this is how despair works: it shows you a version of the truth intended to sap your will to live. And even if you know that it's only giving you part of the story, you still feel the words chill your marrow . . . Because they strike at your deepest fears about yourself and what you deserve.

It takes Una's voice to save Redcross Knight from self-destruction.