The best way to describe the past six months is "living through a slow realization":
I'm good, just not that good; I was told yesterday after the ride that I looked "powerful" as I was going up some of the hills. I was grateful for the praise, but I also recognize that I look "powerful" only in comparison to other middle aged men who ride more or less recreationally and for fitness. I've seen people who actually look powerful on a bike, and who have the equipment to make the most of that power. I'm not there, not really.
Similarly, I've been told that I'm "smart." Fair enough--I know that I'm smart. But I also know I'm actually "smart" mostly in comparison with other people who work and live in the kind of place I work and live. I have been around genuinely brilliant people, and read their work, and read about their lives, and I know enough to know that I'm not there, not really.
The same goes for looks, and wit, and wisdom, and talent, and focus. I am quite aware of my limitations...that I'm not there, not really.
Some people write these sorts of things in an attempt to get some reassuring praise. Not me--I'm writing to help myself figure out what's most important, and what counts as a successful life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
No comments:
Post a Comment