Monday Update, Down Time Edition

 Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
Mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
ché la diritta via era smarrita
(Dante, Inferno, Canto I)

I had a terrifying conversation with my best buddy today.  We were taking stock now that the semester has come to an end, and we both expressed the same concern:  that we are losing the ability to operate at a high level--that even if something were to open up somewhere else (and make no mistake, we're both looking), we wouldn't be able to keep up.

It's all of a piece with the rest of the concerns I've had this past few months:  about the direction of my career, and whether or not I can find fulfillment doing this job in this place.  I'm content that I'm not likely to ever be an ARB or a JLW, under whom I studied and learned so very much--but I would like to work at a place where the liberal arts are understood and valued, and where the leadership at least seems to understand and value the identity of the institution.

The other option, pushing back and trying to forge something here in NWTN, just seems so exhausting.

My buddy said something else terrifying as well.  When I noted that I had been kinda thinking about leaving, he said, "I could tell from your behavior."  I'm dismayed that I am not more sneaky than I am.  Sorta.  Then I remember that the first "strength" on that strength inventory I took the other day was "honesty, authenticity, and genuineness," followed by "industry, diligence, and perseverance."  If I'm serious, then, about changing my mindset about all the things about me, perhaps I need to use this crisis of confidence--this moment of being unsettled--as an opportunity to develop the very things that are thereby being put under pressure.

Turning in final grades is always a bittersweet experience, mainly because I don't feel comfortable with the high ones (too generous?) or the low ones (too tough?) . . . unless of course the student is in the very top 10% or the bottom 10%.  I have had only one complaint, fortunately:  the young woman worked too hard to be getting a B, she says (with what may have been a touch too much sarcasm). I say, "well, I have no doubt that you worked hard, so I will double check to make sure that I got your grade right."  One can hardly just say, "I've been doing this long enough to where I can pretty easily make the call, and you fall squarely in the 'B' range," even though that would be an utterly true statement.

I begin teaching again next Monday -- a "Maymester" course that will go for fifteen days, three hours per day. It will be a new experience.